Me getting in to stupid situations…

Hey!

Ok, since I last wrote DC has actually gone on holiday (finally) but he said that he was going on the Ducati, which I wouldn’t say was the most sensible bike to go to Scotland on, but he’s taken his car. He kept saying he was going to Spain on the bike and never bothered… Why lie? Anyway after the last incident with DC I clearly got a bit overly involved (personally I’m blaming all the cuddling on the sofa – Me and James never did cuddling on the sofa though and I still got overly involved there.) I got really p*ssed off actually because I was watering the garden (I’m cool I am) and he wandered over to see PNA (pervy neighbour A****) and ask to borrow something from him. He said ‘hi’ and took the p*ss a bit then went to talk to them. Well PNA’s missus really fancies DC and she was getting all ‘giggly schoolgirl’ over him and then he was talking to me on the way back but I was expecting him to come over for a chat or ask if I wanted a lift to the gym (perfectly innocent that would be) and he didn’t… Later I went to the gym and I was stood talking to PNA with my gym bag over my shoulder before I left and DC was wandering around on his drive and would very clearly have seen me so I presumed I would then see him at the gym – we both go at the same times so it was a fair bet. He wasn’t there. I got really over emotional and decided that I’m sick of always being someone’s dirty little secret and that I want to meet someone like Phil or Joe again – men who weren’t ashamed of me.

Also I was watering the plants in a skirt and bikini top and then put my vest top on to go to the gym. PNA said something about my top being on-off-on-off and I said that since I was going to the gym I had to wear something respectable and his missus (oh my Lord she’s pathetic over this man and she is truly one of the ugliest people I’ve ever seen, and largely overweight too) came out with, ‘Well maybe you should have looked more respectable when talking to DC; a man of the law.’ (recently he’s been doing some work with the police; hardly makes him a copper does it?) What a freak! I told DC and he found it hilarious. I said to her, ‘Erm, he was topless?’ and her amazingly well thought out argument was destroyed as she had to concede, ‘Oh yeh, I suppose…’ Stupid b*tch. By the sounds of it when she was younger she used to sleep with anything that moved so she’s probably just jealous that she was (in my father’s words), ‘the village bike’ when she was younger and DC wouldn’t touch her with a barge pole. It really p*ssed me off though because if it was Joe or Phil and she’d said that then I could confidently turn round and tell her that they would be more than happy to see me in a bikini as they certainly appreciated me in less but because with DC everything is so bl**dy sordid I can’t. Grr. And there’s no way he’d stand up for me because it’d look obvious and he’d never understand why she annoys me. Hmm.

I was having a few issues with my bike the other day and DC walked past with his dogs and told me to take it over to him if I needed but then I totally f*cked up and had to run and get him. He laughed at me, let me in and we had a hug before he came over and helped me with it. I saw him at the gym later that day and he was laughing because I’d lost my dad’s bike gloves but I was really worried what my dad would say (he wasn’t actually bothered) and DC was making it worse by pointing out that bike kit is not something you want to be losing and that if he’s had them years theres’ probably sentimental value. What I actually needed was someone to say (as my brother did in the end!), ‘Why would he be bothered? In the grand scheme of things you’re still alive and the bike is fine. It’s a pair of gloves.’

Hey,

Well as usual a lot has happened since I last wrote lol. As predicted I couldn’t stay away from DC, however I did realise that when it’s dark and I look out of my window you can’t actually tell whether his car is on the drive or not! I looked out (ok, yes, yes I’m officially his stalker now!) last night and it didn’t look like his car was there but I’d just got in (this was about half 2 in the morning) and his car was clearly there when I went past his. Anywho. I believe that I’d mentioned us going bike clothes shopping. Well I went back to the same shop for a couple of bits with my brother and the same guy was working so he helped me to get a helmet and I got a really nice one ) We were talking for a bit and he said, ‘Do you always just come in here with different men?!’ So I laughed and said, ‘That’s my brother!’ I didn’t mention DC because I was quite happy with people thinking I’m with him lol! I did admit in the end that DC is just a neighbour though! He ended up asking me if I have a boyfriend and told me that I have a great body ‘like a proper woman’ because I’m curvy! As I left he asked me to write my name on a piece of paper so he could add me on Facebook.

Anyway I went home with my brother and I was really excited and wanted to show DC my bike stuff and when I got home he was out on the front with his lodger so I got out, waved manically at him and grabbed my helemt box and pointed at it! He waved back even more manically in a tight t shirt with his beautifully sculptured arms out. Honestly; the man’s body is a work of art! So he started walking over and I stood in the road with him and showed him my stuff, which he was impressed by and then he asked if I was going to the gym and if I wanted a lift (er, yes.) So I went in and got ready to go over to his (pack gym bag, shower, shave etc.) and went back to his in my denim skirt, black V-neck top and black flip-flops plus a silver necklace with a heart on it. Pretty.

I wandered over and he told me to let myself in (as usual) then he came downstairs and started kissing me and pushed me up against the wall. Good times. He’d hitched my skirt up and after a bit said, ’shall we go upstairs?’ I agreed (seriously I have the will-power of a binge eater) and pulled my skirt back then followed him up. As I ran up the stairs my phone fell out my pocket and went bouncing down the stairs on to his wooden floor! Oops! DC looked back expecting me to go get it and I just went, ‘Meh, it’ll be fine!’ and went in to his room!

Yet again he was absolutely unbelievable! Truly amazing! But we filmed ourselves having sex and now I’m creeped out, just whilst writing this it’s suddenly occured to me that he could show anyone. Ok I mean I really doubt that he would as he has a lot more to lose than me and it wasn’t like the filming was (and this sounds weird) but it wasn’t suspicious. It wasn’t like he tried to avoid being in it and it wasn’t like he was trying to make a point of it being him in it (like he would if showing his mates for example) we spoke to each other as we normally would on it (ie dirty talking from him – he didn’t start saying it loudly or anything weird and he certainly wasn’t trying to make sure he looked especially good in it; he was dripping in sweat.) If anyone was behaving differently for the camera it was me feeling the need to put on a bit of a porn star performance so I think I should be ok – talk about a stupid situation. In all fairness any backlash from this and I can play the naive and somewhat stupid kid and do the whole, ‘But he said they had split up! He told me he loved me!’ and he will look even worse. As I say he has a lot more to lose than me… It was good though, really, really good! I can’t believe that someone who I’ve really fancied for so long is actually in to me, as it were *ahem*.

Afterwards we both had a shower and he was saying that he couldn’t really be bothered with going to the gym and that he was really tired so we ended up having coffee and eating peanut butter in his conservatory! We were watching TV as well and just chatting although he was taking the piss out of me as usual! We decided to go and sit in his lounge then and had a cuddle on his sofa. We were both lying down together intwined half watching TV and he kept stroking my hair and kissing me. Oh (just as a bit of a contrast with the loving-ness) he decided to spank me. Now I’m all up for this, can be fun etc, etc. Amusingly once we were done I had a full-on hand-print on my bum! It was really vivid! Very amusing. Anyway I was there for 3 hours(!) and had to go when it got to 10 mins before his friend was picking him up for a drink! He really didn’t want me to go and said that he hoped he’d see me soon and as I left he was saying that he’d nearly gone to kiss me before realising that his neighbours would see! He’s so sexy though ) Before I always thought (ever the cynic) that he called me ‘gorgeous’ so that he didn’t get mine and his gf’s names mixed up but when we were in bed he said, ‘Lydia, you’re so sexy.’ Whoop. Anyway I believe he’s finally going on holiday soon – he keeps putting it off for some reason.

Well after all that drama I went home and the guy from the bike shop had added me as a friend and we were chatting for a bit (he has a gf and in this case I actually had the will power to point out that we are friends with a common interest nothing more.) Well at some point I ended up in his car smoking weed with him! We ended up getting stoned in his car in a lay-by! For God’s sake how do I get in to such ridiculous situations?! I swear other people couldn’t do it if they tried. Well this is how part of the very interesting conversation went:

Him: So what sort of men do you go for?

Me: (Honestly and to put him off) Older men really.

Him: What like your neighbour?

Me: No! Really?! (Laughing)

Him: Oh come on it was obvious when you came shopping together how much you like him!

Me: Seriously?!! (Laughing)

Him: Yeh and it was obvious how much he likes you too! We were all saying in the shop how obvious it was. (ok bear in mind that this is a tiny bike shop so ‘all’ isn’t a lot!)

Me: Noooo, He’s my neighbour, he’s loads older than me and he’s got a girlfriend anyway!

Him: So?

Me: What do you mean? You don’t think I’d care that he has a girlfriend?!

Him: No, I think you’re absolutely stunning, intelligent, down to earth, easy to talk to…I mean he wouldn’t care that he has a girlfriend!

An interesting insight from a man I’d met twice in a shop and then got stoned with. Fun times. Then I worked all weekend, less fun times!

Long post again! I apologise, Love Lyds x x x

Heyyyy!

Well on Monday I saw DC at the gym (so difficult not to type his real name!) and he’s so beautiful. He came over to talk to me for a bit, as usual, and he is soooo sexy (I’ve just got that Sum 41 song ‘In Too Deep’ in my head, do we think that’s a sign?!) Well at the end of his session he came over for another chat and asked if I was going in the pool area so I said probably and he asked if I’d prefer to go for a coffee instead (really not expecting that, I’m not used to men suggesting we go somewhere we have to keep our clothes on as opposed to getting in a big bath/hot tub half naked together!) Well I said yes so we both went to get dressed. I wasn’t sure if he meant for us to have a coffee in the gym coffee shop, the coffee shop at our nearest shopping park or at his house but I looked like a right tramp in my brother’s jeans (very baggy) and a turquoise strappy top (very tight) plus Timberland boots (A-ttractive!) Well I was dressed first so I sat waiting in the gym bar for him as usual and I got up to go over to him when he came out the changing rooms. We both walked out and when we got outside he said, ‘Er, coffee’s off I’m afraid.’ He looked really knackered too so I said, ‘Ok then! Are you alright?’ He said that he was but that he’d just had a phone call full of grief (his missus) and that he’d been training too hard and was tired. We were walking back to his car and he just went, ‘Lydia, Lydia, Lydia…’ (What?! Seriously I’m totally lost here does anyone have any suggestion of why he would say that in a whistful way?! My idea has got as far as, ‘You strange girl. You are just adding to my problems at the minute, which is my own fault.’ or ‘Lydia, I’m going to end up hurting you…’ The last one was not meant in the psychotic way it sounds.) Well he was driving back and we stopped outside my house and he was annoyed that his lodger was in because he had wanted to ‘ravish me’. I don’t like the term ravish because it makes me think of the word radish, which in turn reminds me of a toy rabbit called Radish in a Jaqueline Wilson book. Not sexy times. I really am very odd. Anyway he said that at the moment things between him and his missus are ‘a bit grief-y’ so I felt a little uncomfortable and said, ‘Aw bless you…Right, bye then!’ And he laughed and told me not to train as a counsellor but I pointed out that I shouldn’t be hearing that. He said he was ‘just saying’ and that he wouldn’t give me the sob-story anyway and surely I knew that? So I just shrugged. I’d told him about being picked on at school too and as I was telling him we drove past a big group of teenage boys and said it was people like them that called me names, just as they all wolf-whistled at me! Ha ha ha, amused me greatly!

Yesterday I saw him at the gym but as he went to leave he walked round the gym to say ‘bye but totally missed me and then left looking a bit confused so I was beating myself up about the fact that I’d missed talking to him and when I got home I noticed that his housemate wasn’t in either. Grr. Well I believe I may have mentioned my stalker tendencies and the fact that him and his missus can’t ever see each other because she’s never at his and he always is? Well it only occured to me last night that maybe, just maybe he goes round really late at night and leaves early in the morning (which I know he always leaves hers early in the morning when he does stop) so I looked out of my window at about half 12 and he was obviously at hers. She must have stopped at his the day before too because when I did eventually get out of his car he said, ‘Right well I’d better go home and wait for the grief…’ ” ‘Cause Im in too deep, and Im trying to keep, Up above in my head, instead of going under.” Well after that I had a dream where I slept with 3 men from the gym within a week (one was DC but it was the DC that I used to know before he jumped on me) and then woke up and decided that I am going to get hurt, his missus is going to get hurt and he is having his cake and eating it so I am going to try and avoid him. Well, try and avoid sleeping with him anyway. Chr*st it’s like the James situation all over again; I’m happy, I realise that I’m going to get hurt/could do better, I get miserable, I end it, I get miserable, i decide I was wrong and go back/accept him back, I’m happy and the circle begins again. Good Lord.

Right I’m off to the gym and then work. Hopefully FGG will ravish me (see doesn’t it make you think of radishes?!) and then I won’t have to deal with DC at all. Grr.

 Love Lyds x x x

Freak me, it’s been about 3 weeks since I first slept with DC…and less than a week since I last slept with him! I feel I should give some advice here to be honest; never go out with/sleep with/get in any way involved with a neighbour whose house you can see from your upstairs windows. I have slightly stalkerish tendencies and I’m having to confine myself to the back bedroom and downstairs so that I don’t go mad. The other day I got home and there was a small red car outside DC’s house and I decided that it was probably some other girl he is sleeping with (it wasn’t his gf’s car) and got myself all bitter and aggravated. Well 4 days later I think I can safely say that it’s his neighbours’ car. Good Lord. Not entirely sure why I think I have a right to be annoyed/bitter if he’s sleeping with someone else as it is me who he is cheating on his missus with. Oh Chr*st, I’m a mistress! How did that happen?! Anyways…

I text Joe on Sat because my dad wants some work doing on our house and Joe is a builder of some description. I joked that my dad wanted mates rates and I’d said no chance! Which I followed up with ‘lol!’ I got the reply, ‘I’ll give him a fair price like I would anyone else?’ I’m hoping that it’s just the fact that it is difficult to tell the tone of a message by text as opposed to him being a tw*t on purpose. So I text him back saying, ‘I know you would! A quote would be great, cheers!’ And after that he text me back like a normal person. So I’m sure it won’t be too weird with my ex working on my house (it should only be a 1 day job, 2 at most in my opinion – the great building expert that I am!) with me stalking my ‘lover’ from 2 streets away! Hmm…

Rich is definitely not an interest of mine anymore. Neither of us seem particularly bothered by texting each other and when one of us does make the effort it’s usually a couple of texts and then one or the other of us can’t be a*sed to text back. To be fair I don’t feel that it’s a great loss in my life. Someone is mowing my lawn at the moment and it’s really doing my head in. Also I can’t seem to download any music at the moment which is winding me up. Oh I forgot to mention the other week; when I had my cold sores and DC was laughing at me in the gym and FGG (Fit Gym Guy) walked past; FGG took his top off!!!! Not just randomly as I said hi, although that would’ve been better ), he went over to the gym desk and had to change his top so he turned his back to the gym and removed his top. Well I happened to look over at that point and the shock of it caused me to gawp and exclaim, ‘F*ck me!’ Well, not so much an exclamation, more of a command really… This wouldn’t have been so bad but I was mid-conversation with DC! Once I remembered that I was actually supposed to be talking I went bright red and covered my face! He about wet himself once he looked round and realised what I was looking at!

I haven’t seen Beth for ages now (my best friend since junior school, we saw each other everyday until we started at uni and then it was once a week. Now she is training to be a primary school teacher and it’s like she’s had a lobotomy. I actually asked her if she could meet up one day and she said, ‘Sorry can’t meet on that day I have school and then Brownies x’ What?!! Even my mum said, ‘Is she 6?! Or maybe 60 for that matter?!’ Well this has been a very long explanation for one poor set of parenthesis…) I last saw her on the 20th June! I’ve seen her twice in the past 8 weeks! It’s just annoying me that if we want to meet up it has to be between half 3 and 5 because as soon as her boyfriend finishes work she has to spend every spare moment with him and I happen to have a life as well but she can’t accept that and acknowledge that maybe occasionally we could meet up at another time. To be fair though I don’t like seeing her anymore. Everything I do she passes judgement on and I really do get in to some stupid situations but I don’t need to be judged on this, it’s not even like I behave irresponsibly most of the time. An example: My friend Dave who I used to be really close to at the gym for about 3 months last year when I really needed a friend because my ex had just come out is phenomenally attractive. We wouldn’t get together because he can really irritate me and be very patronising but he moved away and recently came home for the weekend. When he came back he tried to force himself on me, it wasn’t pleasant but he was p*ssed so it wasn’t as difficult as it could have been to fight him off. She told me that I should go to see the police (come on, if he’d actually raped me it’s not certain that he’d be convicted let alone, ‘We were both half naked, he pinned me down and tried to make me have sex with him. It didn’t work.’ That’s not going to do much is it?! Besides the fact that I don’t feel that it was a particularly life changing event. He’s just a tw*t) She also said that I should’ve left when he got off me the first time (the cycle was repeated a couple of times) to allow me to go down on him. This is despite the fact that my mate seemed to suddenly have become a rapist. I’m sure that despite the injuries he inflicted to my leg muscles by forcing my legs apart and the bruising on my forearm where he was pulling at my arms he would have quite happily let me put my clothes back on and then he’d have calmly let me out of his parents house and, obviously have rung a taxi for  me… She lives in a strange world. When I told her that I’d passed my motorbike CBT she just said, ‘right,’ and didn’t say ‘well done’ or anything. After the bloody fuss we had to make when she passed her car test and I didn’t even get a congratulations for doing something that has been an ambition of mine since I was tiny. I think that it is safe to say that (a) we have grown apart and (b) I’m not in a great mood this morning lol!

Well, I’m going to go to Starbucks soon to do some uni work (aren’t you impressed; it’s summer and I’m working on my dissertation!) then off to the gym, hopefully see DC and FGG

Love Lyds x x x

Hey,

At the weekend I went out with Nic and it was the usual very, very boring night out. ‘Twas sh*te if truth be told. Work was really great though…well, the same as usual actually. But after work on Sat I went for a 5 mile run! How proud am I of myself?! I’ve been hovering around 70kg for a while now and I think sleeping with DC was the impetus I needed to actually get my weight back to 67kg which is my happy weight. When we got in to town I felt the vodka run through my system so fast! I could just feel warmth spreading downwards especially in my legs! Then Sunday at work was just pure excitement but I planned to go to the gym after work, as usual, but when I got in I was absolutely knackered! I decided to have a nap at half 6, woke up at half 10 and then had some berries for dinner (I sound like a small woodland creature) and then went back to bed. I ended up sleeping for eleven hours! I did manage to get my holiday changed at work though, I am now going to a hostel somewhere with Soph and another uni friend the week before my 21^st and then have the week of my 21^st off )

Well after all that fun over the weekend Soph rang me on Mon while I was getting ready for the gym and I was chatting to her when I saw DC getting in from work so I guessed that he was about to go to the gym (honestly, I’m not stalking him…) so I grabbed my bag and left while still talking to Soph. As I walked round the corner DC drove up and asked if I wanted a lift. I said yes (well mouthed and nodded, I was still on the phone!) and I went to get in. As I shoved my bag on the floor I said to Soph, while not looking at DC and grinning, ‘Well, I’ll have to go because you know I told you about my neighbour who looks like Daniel Craig? Well he’s just going to give me a lift to the gym…’ Soph was doing the whole, ‘Oh my God, have a good time!!’ Thing so I laughed and said bye and DC found the entire exchange hilarious!

Well, this will be a long post I feel. When we got to the gym I realised that I had forgotten my underwear and my trainers! So DC brought me home and then back to the gym again! I’m such a pain really. Well when we got to the gym for the second time I got ready and went to the water fountain where Rich came up to me. So I was talking to him for a minute and saw DC filling his bottle up behind me and I knew that DC would either get stroppy (like he did when I was talking to Joe that time) or do something to wind Rich up. Well he went for the latter option and came up close behind me and whispered in my ear that my shorts weren’t as short as usual (we’d been talking about my hot pants earlier) and Rich was clearly not overly impressed, so I looked all shocked and laughed at DC. Anyway the whole gym session was spent talking to one and then talking to the other so that no one felt left out. DC very deftly managed to put me off Rich by saying, ‘He’s clearly besotted with you!’ So I said that he wasn’t and Adam said, ‘He clearly is, normally he’d say hi to me but then he just totally blanked me. C’mon Lyds I think even in your limited years you can see that!’ Made Rich sound like a puppy. Yeurgh.

After a bit we all relocated to the pool area and Rich was just leaving as I got in there and DC was already in the sauna. I stood talking to Rich for a while when DC came out of the sauna looking a sweaty mess so I pulled a face at DC and said he was looking very attractive, in the hope that it might placate Rich a little as he needed to leave before the shops shut and I was clearly staying with DC. Rich asked who DC was despite the fact that they both clearly know each other so I told him and Rich said, ‘Oh right, yeh.’ So I told DC that Rich had asked and DC shouted, ‘B*ll*cks!’ Quite loudly in the sauna!

After a while we got in to the hot tub together and sat with our legs entwined with me stroking his torso with one foot and him stroking my bum with his other foot. I’m a bad person. He gave me a lift home and we arranged to go motorbike clothes shopping the next day! That is correct, he took me shopping! Hee hee! I wore a knee-length white and grey skirt (nicer than it sounds) with a tight black strappy top and my Australian black wedges. I put my hair in pigtails and took my nice black bag, which he says looks designer (actually Dorothy Perkins, can’t go wrong for £8 can you?!). When I got to his he told me I could take my shoes off straight away because I was taller than him and we ended up with him kissing my neck and then we ended up in his bedroom, on his bed. He pulled my skirt up to go down on me and, um, fun times were had! It was so good and he kept going even after I’d come (I’m well aware that I’m being too graphic but Christ he was good!) Then we had sex and it hurt just as much, possibly even more than last time. At one point it hurt quite a bit and he looked at me and went, ‘Oh bless you, look at your little face!’ and stopped to give me a hug! Can you tell I’m in a bit deep here? Way, way too deep. Anyway we found a new position that I lurve. It’s great but a little difficult to describe and this post is already going on for far too long! After I had a shower and then had to shout him because I thought I’d broken the shower! Then we got dry and got in his van to go bike shopping. I loved it because I knew that from how we are with each other everyone would presume that we were a couple and they obviously did. I figured out what I want and prices etc within about 45 mins and DC spent the best part of two hours faffing about with helmets!

DC and the salesman were taking the piss out of each other and me, which was quite sweet and the staff clearly thought we were together which felt really good, which is really bad! Argh! I still haven’t seen his missus at his since we slept together and I haven’t noticed him stop the night at hers… I’m evil; she is probably just on holiday. God I really shouldn’t be in this situation, should I? That’s a rhetorical question, I clearly know I shouldn’t. Hmmm. I saw him at the gym last night too and he gave me a lift home. Oh and Rich isn’t impressed by things, considering the fact that we were speaking every day for about  3 and a half weeks we didn’t speak on Weds but I think it’s for the best. He seems to have the same issue as Phil (he’s not gay, he’s emotionally retarded. You tell either of them anything and it takes them ages to process it and react).

Anyway I best be off to the gym. Having seen DC 3 times this week I know I won’t see him today because he’s working all day but he did say that he might see me over the weekend. Oh and, every time he drops me at home he says, ‘missing you already!’ Hmm. Oh dear, I’m in deep. Well, I’m going to a family friend’s 21^st tonight so that should be a laugh, although it did make me realise how inappropriate most of my going out stuff is as I can’t wear most of it in case I cause heart attacks at the exposure of my legs/breasts!

Ta – ra!

Lyds x x x

Well, after the drama of the whole Lydia/DC thing a few other events have also happened.

Rich (the fireman friend of my gay-ish ex, Phil) continues to text me every day and… I am not yet sick of him! We have nice lil chats but I really can’t see when/how he would move the whole thing on from ‘just friends’ to something more. Hmm…and no, I’m not doing it. He’s lovely but God knows what, if anything, will happen there.

Nic came round to mine on Thurs for drinks and I told her about DC, it’s good to have someone to tell because otherwise I may well go mad. Not that she is a particularly good listener but nevertheless. I also have the biggest cold sores ever known to man, which I have concluded is down to the large dose of hormones that I took in the MAP. My face would make a great condom advertisement, I had to go to work yest and Sat looking like a scabby leper/the elephant man. My supervisor found it hilarious to joke that I was scaring off the customers.

I went for coffee with Soph on Fri and told her that me and DC kissed but that’s it. She seemed very supportive and said that if I want to sleep with him or whatever I should go for it but only if it’s what I want as it’s not up to him. She also displayed great talent for writing fairytales when she decided that DC is cheating because I’m the one for him. I decided that (since he has a track record for cheating) he’s cheating because he is panicking that he’s settling down.

On Saturday it was pouring when I woke up so I rang a taxi to take me to work. It got here early so as I rushed around it was waiting outside and as I ran to get in it I noticed that DC had his car door open, didn’t see him but then I did look away pretty quick. I got to work etc. and then got out on to the tills and then saw DC waving at me from the shop floor! Geek! I didn’t think he’d actually come and see me because he never bothered before! I went bright red and kept looking out for him but he must have left. When I went on my lunch I was with some tw*t who goes to the gym with me and DC (he’s a tw*t because he thinks that by virtue of the fact that he’s male he knows more about bikes and training than me and that because I’m female I haven’t got a clue.) He said to me, ‘There was a guy from the gym in earlier,’ so I, forgetting about DC, said, ‘Really?’ So the d*ck said, ‘Yeh, the one that waved at you.’ Well what was the point in telling me if I’d clearly seen him?!! Well the weird little boy then kept going on about how ripped DC is and how big he is (I was trying not to giggle!) but it amused me slightly.

Saturday night I didn’t fancy going out because I look deformed thanks to my cold sores so Nic came round again for one drink and drove home. She’s an exciting one she is. Well after she’d gone I had a text, which I presumed would be Rich but it was in fact a certain disgraced ex fireman…Philip! I shall document our exchange as it is even more explosive (Heat-speak lol!) than the last time!

Phil: “hi Lyds, hope this ain’t too late lol but everytime i try send you message on facebook it freezes. x”

Lyds: “Lol, you and facebook don’t get on do you?! Nope it’s not too late, hope you’re ok x”

Phil: “Nah cant work it  Didnt want u to think i was ignorin u. am back up north now, shortterm renting house. You always up late arent u lol? x”

Lyds: “Yep I am, i have too much energy apparently! What are you doing now? Do you think you’ll stay there permanently? x”

Phil: “Yeh u defo got energy!  if a fire job comes up here then ill stay. If not then prob venture away lol. U still enjoyin uni? x”

Lyds: “Sounds good, i bet it’s nice being closer to your family too? I enjoy uni, last week I passed my first bike test so I’m saving up for one now  x”

Phil: “Awesome well done! U deserve it. Yeh its nice, miss home sometimes tho, and gettin in that hot tub with u remember?  x”

Lyds: “Thanks, i was so proud! I suppose it must be difficult away from your friends, is Lee a dad now? And yep i remember the jacuzzi lol x”

Phil: “Yeh his missus had the baby. I wanna say this cos ur a cool lass  i mite be bi, but i still think about u. I loved your gawjus body, u dnt mind me sayin do u? x”

Lyds: “Oh bless him, that’s nice! I don’t mind you saying it – it does confuse me a little for many reasons, but thanks! x”

Phil: “Its been a crazy few years for me in many ways, but I just wanted 2 say ur a great girl. it still confuses me too! defo keep in touch, prob not on facebook tho! x”

Lyds: “Yeh I understand that, i’m confused that you’re saying this because of how everything ended with us. But yes, definitely keep in touch!”

Phil: “Cool, be nice to give you a ring sometime and have a proper catchup. Nite Lyds, and be safe on the bike-like me in a fire engine!  x”

Lyds: “Ok, that’d be good. Night phil x”

Oh the drama!! And then yesterday at work just before we started closing Joe and Ian came in! I hate people coming in to work, for some reason I end up shaking even after they’ve gone! It was nice to see them but as I say I prefer seeing them separately and when we’re on equal terms not with one of us looking like a tw*t at work and with huge cold sores. Hmm. Anyway, that’s my little catch-up.

Lyds x x

So I went over to DC’s and we went out on the beautiful bike! He has a decent riding style but clearly a little rusty. In some situations he obviously got panicky while I’m on the back thinking, ‘Oh calm down; lifesaver, front braking, light on the back brake and prepare to stop. Not rocket science so don’t swerve so over-dramatically!’ I seem to have decided I’m Valentino Rossi after 2 and a half hours on the road! We got back and had a drink in his conservatory and I was going through a post-mortem with him, I think he was entertained by the length at which I can talk about one ride on a bike.

Well, the bit that you’re actually interested in… We got to kissing and, unfortunately, he kisses like a slobbery dog!! Not attractive having saliva all over the place! It was like that SATC episode when Charlotte is with the guy who literally licks her face! He wasn’t that bad but, you know, not good. Very slobbery. He’d probably get 4 out of 10 and those 4 points are because of the body on him. So we were kissing for a bit and then he unzipped his trousers, I was very pleased by this as it meant a break in the slobbering up my face (I mean, honestly, the man is 42 how can he not have learnt to kiss properly?!) Well…Holy Hell, PNA was right when he said that DC is hung like a horse, he is massive!! Admittedly my first thought was, ‘Well, we’re not having sex then!’ I don’t understand how I had had some experience with several men who were all almost exactly the same size and then in the past few months I’ve been with 2 men who were both freakishly over-sized. Anyway that’s one of life’s mysteries for another time. After a while he grabbed me by my hand and led me upstairs. I was quite happily going along with this but saying;

Lyds: ‘DC, this is a really bad idea!’

DC: ‘I know, but it’s a really good one too!’

Lyds: ‘DC! Bad idea! We shouldn’t be doing this!’

DC: ‘I know. Come on though, it’ll be good.’

Lyds: ‘That’s beside the point! You’re not listening to me are you?!’

DC: ‘Yes, I’m listening to you!’

By which point we were on the bed but I had done my bit with the whole persuading him otherwise thing. Even if it was a little half-hearted. So we were kissing on the bed and at some point everyone’s trousers may have come off and then underwear but I kept saying no to sex (I have to admit this was partly due to the fact that he looked like he’d probably do me some damage.) But he was exceptionally good at everything else. Joe was very good at “everything else” but he didn’t really have DC’s, ahem, other gifts to make the sex as good. Amusingly DC has quite a wide full length mirror on one wall which he kept looking in to watch us (I kept rolling us away from it because there are certain angles at which I don’t want to see myself naked especially with someone else in the room!!) He really is exceptionally vain! Anyway as you’ve probably realised; at some point we ended up having sex. Good Lord, it was like my first time all over again! I was in pain; he suggested we stopped, I told him to carry on. I’m very pleased that my first time was not with someone who resembled a shire horse in this sense. He was fantastic though, very vain, but good and he was really in to his dirty talk too. I think I’ve mentioned that after a ridiculous amount of time going on about it he finally got a proper lodger, who got home while we were ‘at it’ (classy bird me!) apparently the lodger is someone whom DC went to school with so they’ve known each other for years. DC went and let him in because they haven’t got keys sorted yet and I was panicking upstairs because all my bike stuff was strewn around his kitchen and conservatory! God knows what, if anything, was said but DC just came back up, shut the door and stripped us both off again! Well, fun times were most certainly had but I happened to catch sight of the clock (I know, I really am all class!) and it had been 2 hours since we’d gone upstairs!! Stamina boy, I just had the rather unflattering thought that he has a hell of a lot in common with horses… But I had work that evening! So I said, ‘Um, DC, don’t really wish to break the moment but, err, I need to be at work an hour from now and will need to get showered and go get the morning after pill first’ (we weren’t especially prepared and I’m not a big believer in the withdrawal method being a stand-alone form of contraception) So he offered me a lift and ‘finished off’ (see we’re as classy as each other!) I looked over at the clock and asked if he had any wet wipes, which is apparently a hilarious lack of class!

So I went home for a shower and to get changed and then I was meant to go back to his but as I went in to the lounge to get my keys and saw him walk past the window!! I was absolutely horrified! Just because there was no chance he’d forgotten and it seemed so unlike DC to do that. So I was chuntering about what an absolute b*stard he was being and worrying about how I was supposed to react next time I saw him and realised I’d have to walk over to the taxi rank about half a mile away. So I started quick walking, praying that there would be a taxi there whilst murmuring about taking the MAP to prevent the conception of the spawn of Satan (my wondrous imagination) when he came walking back round the corner and said, ‘Oh there you are! Sorry I had to catch the post for a file for work!’ So I was placated but obviously still a little thrown because when I got in to his car he said, ‘Are you ok? You keep pulling a lot of faces?’ So I said that I was fine and we had a bit of a chat about the MAP and about how much it would destroy my whole life and his relationship if I didn’t take it (obviously the emphasis was on my life rather than his relationship!) So he dropped me off and everything was ok, the MAP was fine. Which is for the best because, thanks to the rush, I had to take it in the staffroom at work and I can’t see the manager appreciating me vomiting behind the tills and running back up to the chemist in a panic because of the need to retake the f*cker!

Anyway that’s what happened. I’m a bad, bad person, I know.

Ok, so I couldn’t not post. I think it’s an ego thing, blogging in a word document entitled ‘July 08′ is not the same as doing it on here! So I have to put up a few back-dated posts because I can’t have a big gap between posts, it’s impolite really…also, a bit of info as it is a new blog (the excitement):

I seem to do very stupid things with alarming regularity. Many of these things involve men in general and often exes in particular so main characters:

James: pro rugby player I used to ‘have some fun’ with for about 2 and a half years. Refused to have sex with him because it wasn’t a real relationship.

Phil: Fireman who I really cared about, dumped me for being too ugly to have sex with. After this he was sacked from the fire station for hilarious reasons and then decided he was gay. This adventure may have messed me up a bit but makes a hilarious anecdote!

Joe: My ‘first’, clearly should never have got together and had a pretty boring relationship for 4 months until he broke up with me and I promptly started crying because I cared so much about Phil and he hurt me so much (yeh, I think Joe was pretty confused when I brought Phil up too!)

There are various less important ones who I will explain as and when necessary…

But the most important is DC (Daniel Craig look-alike) who lives two streets down. He has a missus who he doesn’t live with but, for reasons best known to myself, I seem to be sleeping with him. So he is my lover (sounds better than: I’m a skanky tramp and he’s a cheating sh*t, don’t you think?) So hope you enjoy reading it and leave a comment if you like (I appreciate all comments as I am an attention-whore. Ahem.)