Me getting in to stupid situations…

Just a quickie ‘cos I’ve got to get to the gym (although for some reason my weight has dropped to 66.8kg – not a huge drop but I usually only weigh under 67 when I’ve just been dumped!)

Yesterday I replied to Sam’s message on my wall with something like, ‘Lol, just my drunken neighbour wanting a chat at half 5! I’m good thanks, how are you? I’ll probably give you a ring later x x’ Anyway almost as soon as I’d sent it he rang me. He asked me to go over to his so I said I would. I knew what was likely to happen but couldn’t be a*sed with sorting out my bikini line and shaving my legs so I decided to lie and tell him I’m on my period if he tried to go any further than my waist band! Ha ha. So I went over and we were chatting for a bit and he asked what time I’d be going to the gym and so I lied (again) and said I was meeting DC there at 5 – so that I had an excuse to get out of there at a set time instead of making it awkward by announcing I’d had enough of him and wanted to go to the gym. He started teasing me about the fact that, ‘You like your neighbours, don’t you?!’ and he then took the p*ss because DC is another male neighbour so I said that there was nothing going on because DC’s 42 and he then said that that made it worse so I kept defending the fact that nothing was going on between us and he started winding me up and calling DC a ‘paedo’. Well Sam is quite an offensive person anyway so I just laughed at him but we got talking about some of my friends who are still at his gym who are older than DC and who actually are just friends and Sam decided that it was probably me who was the weird one for spending my time with ‘all these old men’ and then said that he bet they all kept perving on me!

Well at some point we may have ended up in his bed… He has great arms and shoulders and he’s nice and tall but his torso has nothing on DC’s! Also he has the smallest penis I’ve ever seen. Truly how is he so big and it’s so small?!! I’ve never been good with the whole deep-throating thing but I will always have a couple of token attempts but who needs to deep throat the man whose c*ck doesn’t hit the back of your mouth?! I understand that the last two men I’ve been with were both hung like horses but I really do doubt that that has altered my perception to such a level that I see normal and think small. If we’d had sex I actually think it would have been an, ‘is it in yet?’ job! Good Lord. He also made things worse by putting two fingers at the top of it (I’m aware this is TMI; you might want to skip to the next paragraph!) and then kept pushing it down in to his balls! If I was a man and had a very, very small penis then I don’t think I’d be doing things to make it look smaller! Bl**dy hell! Anyway, he’s very sexy and a great kisser and certain things he did were pretty good so I figured I could probably overlook the tiny penis (in all fairness it would not be difficult to overlook it). 

Anyway we then realised that I’d been there for two and a half hours and we both really needed to get to our respective gyms! So off we both went and he gave me a kiss and told me to ring him when I finished at the gym. He knew I had to train and go to the shops to buy a new hairbrush so when I got in at just gone nine I rang him and he didn’t answer. So I decided to put some faith in him and sent him a message just saying that I’d just got in from the gym and asking what he was up to and he didn’t text back. Not overly surprised there really especially as I’d been so long with shopping and the gym. I then went on to Facebook and his status had just been changed so he clearly wasn’t busy and it said, ‘Thanks for not listening!’ So since he hadn’t answered/replied I got paranoid that I’d done something! I then noticed that he’d deleted the post I left on his wall!! F*cker.

I was very confused so I text Soph pointing out that I’d been over to his that day but he’d said that I could go to his that night too and now he was being ignorant. We were saying that men are tw*ts and we’re giving up on them when he text me back saying, ‘In bed paedo x’ What?!! Ok, I understand it’s a bit of an in-joke between us but not that I’m a paedo! As I pointed out to Soph that’s both morally wrong (who calls someone a paedo in a text when they like them?!) and technically wrong (I go for older men!!!) what a freak! So I rang Soph and explained the joke and we were absolutely wetting ourselves that he’d been an a**hole deleting my post on Facebook and not responding to my text for ages and then, when he does reply, he accuses me of being a sex offender! F*cking hell! His brain is clearly the same size as his penis. Small.

Obviously I decided against replying to his message, mainly because he deleted my post on Facebook and I later realised he was on Facebook on his phone so it’s not even like he left his phone in another room while he was on the computer. Was an a*se. Well I’d better go gym anyway, it’s going to be a rush as it is!

Love Lyds