Me getting in to stupid situations…

Ok, I’ve never actually read ‘The Rules’ I just have a vague notion that it basically says don’t do the running…I think. Anyway I was pondering the other day upon that ‘The World Should Revolve Around Me’ song, I was saying to Joe that it’s my song because of the, ‘I’ve had a lot of failed relationships / I don’t get involved ’cause I’m not equipped,’ line. He then joked that it was my song because of the, ‘world should revolve around me,’ bit. This got me thinking about whether I am like that in relationships and I realised I’m totally the opposite. When I’m with someone we do what he wants, eat where he wants, sleep when he wants, go where he wants…and how can I expect to be happy living like that? How can a relationship be successful like that? Basically I do what I want on my own (go to the gym, museum, have coffee, read a book, go shopping, absolutely everything!) and then when we see each other we do what he wants to. I’m sure you can see my thinking here because I go out with men who have full-time jobs and I’ve got all the time in the world to ponce about doing what I want. Basically I live my own life and then become an accessory to his in the evenings. Bad times. So my rules, having disected my past relationships pretty fully are thus:

1. If I want to do something with my partner I will tell him and arrange it.
2. If he wants to do something that I don’t enjoy then I will happily accompany him just not on a regular basis (ie watching DVDs at Joe’s)
3. If I am upset I will tell the guy I’m with (whether it’s because he hasn’t text back, because he said he’d ring and didn’t, because he cancelled plans at the last minute or without reason)
4. Talk to the poor guy, I love talking, I can’t stop it and anyone who wanted to be with me would know that, therefore I have no excuse for a lack of communication.
5. Communication means a proper conversation (not trying to fit a conversation in to a fag break, not while we’re in bed nor should it have to be shared with an audience – his housemate for instance)
6. Not to presume that if we are in a relationship then everything is sorted, I can’t know what the other person is thinking without talking to them about it.
7. If you’re not sure whether to talk to him about something put yourself in his shoes. Would you want to be oblivious to somethinhg that he isn’t happy about? That he might then discuss with friends instead of you? No so tell him.

I am hoping that these will help me when (if!) I get in to another relationship because I can read them and remind myself that not doing these things cost me my relationship with Joe. although me and Joe were clearly wrong for each other we would have learnt this earlier if I’d followed what I already know anyway!